Im going through changes, yeah yeah.

And it was good! That pretty much sums it up as of late. It seems that my normally strange knack for having good luck just keeps on going. In addition to being named a future baby's daddy, we also had our offer picked toward a new home over like 9 other potential applicants. For more on that, take a look at Aprils blog. She has all the pics and stuff.

This weekend has actually been real nice. Things have been so crazy with everything lately, and we have either had people over or have been out of town on the past few weekends that I havent had much time just to veg. And veg I did. I should actually find something productive to do, but eh....that is what next week is for. Today I actually slept till 11 AM. It's not that I was really tired, and I had good intentions of getting up....but the bed was so comfortable. I guess I better get that out of my system now before baby comes along.

All in all, Im really excited about the whole house thing. On top of having something to call our own, im just happy to have something that we dont have to ask "landlord permission" for any little damn thing we want to do. I read on Aprils blog that her dad wanted to metal detect in the back yard. I would actually be really curious what he might find, as the place was built in the early 30's and could have some cool stuff back there. I wouldnt change anything about the place with the exception of probably getting a newer garage door sometime, and maybe seeing if a corner shower will fit in the basement bathroom. If not, oh well.

Its sounding like we are gonna set the main family room downstairs up to be the "media area" with the computer in a little nook, and the bigscreen and leather couches set up. Ben said he has some ideas on how to help me run the surround sound wiring and such around, using moulding to hide wires and such. I cant wait. It might be a bit tight when it comes to buying new stuff for the place for a month or so, as we have a down payment and we need to buy april some photo lighting for her to shoot some weddings this summer. But, after that we hopefully can go out and buy some nice stuff...bedroom set / dressers maybe. Who knows.

We saw Amber and Ben on Friday and hung out for a bit with some puppies and really good popcorn. I think April said Doug and Karissa may be coming over (or vise versa) tonite, and then I gotta work in the AM again. If this week goes anything like the last....it should be fun as hell. We actually may close a bit early on the house if all goes ok and have it by the 20th or so of May. Not looking forward to packing all of this crap again, but at least this time it is in town and not 90 mi away :P

The mouse is dead, but somehow I struggle on...

Well, somehow I am able to post without the use of a mouse. The tab button is getting a workout, but I am managing. In her state of pregnancy, my lovely wife, hung up the mouse to charge...but failed to settle it into the cradle enough to actually start charging. Thereby seriously limiting my computer functionality. But I love her anyway, and the damn thing is next thing to broken anyway so it isnt her fault.

But it still is fun to blame on the pregnancy.

Speaking of that.... by the way April is pregnant. As if everyone didnt already know that. Im doing my best into settling into this whole idea of Dad-hood. Truth be told, it scares the hell out of me, but im sure every other pre-dad has felt the same thing. Being never blessed / burdened with siblings, neighbors, pushy friends with babies not respecting my space; I never really had much experience doing any of the standard stuff required to keep babies in top working order. Kinda kicking myself for that now. The drool thing....yeah....I still have it, but im sure it will be different.

I kinda have turned into paranoid provider mode. Since our apartment almost burned to the ground due to faulty wiring (honestly, no kidding), the realization that renting sucks, and just wanting something to call my own: I need a house. We need a house. A stucco "cute" house apparently, but a house none the less. I actually want to learn dad-like things like tiling, wood working, deck building, lawn care etc. I spent so much time learning useless jeopardy-esque trivia knowledge that I kinda missed out on manly arts. I wonder if the village doctor ever had to build his own house?

What I really want to do is actually exercise, but every time I think that I suddenly get an overwhelming sense of laziness. I hate that. Work has been so busy, but I try not to complain because I would rather have it be like that and go by fast than dead slow and plod along all week.

More at a later time.... I think my mouse might be back.

Guest Poster... non other than THE WIFEY!

Do you like the changes to The Husband's blog? Its his new look. Took a little off the top and sides, looks snazy now. We collaborated on the title graphic, you likes, yes? Now he wants a video.... Looks like we sucked another one in guys.

The internet is all knowing

Your Theme Song is Back in Black by AC/DC

"Back in black, I hit the sack, I've been too long, I'm glad to be back" Things sometimes get really crazy for you, and sometimes you have to get away from all the chaos. But each time you stage your comeback, it's even better than the last!

What's Your Theme Song?

I think I am officially a dentist.

So I realized today that I think I have become immune to other people suffering. It kind of hit me while I was cranking someone's leg into a position that it cant go by itself, and the person was writhing in pain on my table. I dont seem to notice pain anymore. People whine, whimper, squirm, fight, pull away.... and still I keep cranking away. Sure I cut them a little slack sometimes, but if it has to go...it has to go, and I will get there.

I have heard the cute little monikers... Physical terrorist, P.T = Pain and torture, P(art) (Time) Doctor, etc etc. Patients laugh...until they realize that yeah...Im not gonna give you a comfortable massage followed by hot packs and an ultrasound. I am gonna find the part of your body that hurts and do shit to it that you do not want me doing.

I have actually have had a few people pass out on me. Now if there is one thing I dislike worse than someone throwing up on me, it is having to catch someone in mid fall as they conk out trying to walk out of the room. Contrary to popular opinion, people are heavy. Very heavy. And for some reason unbeknownst to anyone but the Creator, people only pass out when standing, and only when there is not another soul in sight to help.

I also think it is a bit wrong that blood no longer grosses me out. Somewhere between sawing off the top of the head of a cadaver that frightenely resembled the venerable Willie Nelson, and untangling what seems like miles of small intestines with my bare (ok, gloved) hands... I lost my sense of "gross". But for some reason, cold baby drool still gets to me. Ugh.

So this leads me to wonder...Is this what war veterans feel like? Have they been through so much that nothing suprises them anymore? Short of someones arm falling of, or death, I dont even know if I would really notice. (Death would suck, and does suck when it happens).

Sadly enough.... little old ladies that bring you cookies every appointment seem to be the only ones that die, and it hurts like hell. Assholes....they live on forever.

One last idea

Well, before I go to bed and close off this clusterfuck of a night. I think I am going to offer this site as a middle ground for this crap.

1) Comment in this post
2) Post your feelings about this
3) State your grievences
4) Stick to truths
5) Be completely honest
6) You may write what bothers you about someone, but keep it mildly civil.

This hopefully will get it out in the open at least. Use it if you want.

An ode to old friends (So it begins)

Its midnight, April is sleeping, and the house is quiet. Its kinda different actually. Since moving back to GF, it is amazing how full our lives are. With work, with friends, with family, and with plans for the future. It just amazes me... Devils Lake was quiet, a comfortable type of boring, the kind of place where you always felt like there wasnt enough to do. Coming back to GF.... well it almost feels like the old days, the high school / early college days.

Now, before you get all "Kevin, get out of the past" on me let me elaborate.

It is the same.... but the players have changed. (and what follows is my views)

Doug: Out of all of us, Doug has changed the most in situation, but the least relative to "who he really is" Doug is, has been, and always will be... one eccentric SOB. Some feel he is just plain weird. To me, that is what makes Doug. In all honesty he has never changed to me...with the exception of becoming a father. And as to that, pre-birth, I had some doubts....as did he im sure. I never thought of what Doug would be like as a dad, couldnt see him playing with kids, or having the patience. This is Doug's change. He still is odd, he still does thing's "his way", and he still takes off on long walks with no other purpose than going. But Doug has gained patience, and gained a lot of responsibility, and probably is the most humble person you will ever meet. But the one thing that always draws me to Doug is his ability to dream. He has never fully "quit" on the idea of "the band", after all that has happened. He still draws, and dreams of doing comics. He looks at things as "could be's". I envy that...as looking forward often brings me more worries than anything else. He has always helped me when I asked, without question, complaint or excuse. I owe him more than he knows.

Butto: He's changed, but he will never admit it. He, out of any of us, still probably has the most energy compared to the high school years. He puts up a great front of vitality, energy, intelligence. He is one of the few people who can talk about things that most other people have never heard of. He is always up to do anything, from partying, to movies, to lan'ing, to manual labor....and he does them all well. To me though... he is at his best when the outer shell cracks a bit. He has a quiet sadness to him, and few get to see it. He has been dealt a few bad hands, and few would ever know it to look at him. He takes things on the chin, and rarely complains. He is a man who you know would do absolutely anything for the right girl, and for his friends. He is the epitome of youth, yet he often shows his age. Paradoxial, secretive, and utterly loyal.

Jess: Where has the pixie gone? My breath of fresh air, our bright one. The fun, vivacious, lively, little one...with the eternal smile. I loved our talks, when no one was around, and your ability to brighten any situation, no matter how bad. I miss you greatly, and I am not alone.

Amy: Who needs no introduction. Troubled, outspoken, and oft jilted.... but so quick to laugh. You so often were a mystery to me. You alone could find ways into bad situations, but so easily move on after a fall. You remind me of April, in many ways, and I think this is why I felt so comfortable with you. But just as much, you were one of the hardest ones for me to understand. You were on the outside somewhat superficial...emotional, dramatic.... but I always knew there was a deepness that few got to see. As with Jess, it kills me that you are no longer here. And I cant wait to see you again.

Em: I cannot forget about you, my little sister. So mysterious, misunderstood, and martyred. You, of all of us, have learned harsh lessons from mistakes...but have best shown how to learn from them, and accept responsibility. I always felt that you were a troubled soul, searching and searching for yourself...and peace. I liked you so much, and do to this day, because I saw myself in you. Your thoughts, from what I can interpret, mimiced mine, and though I could not understand your actions....I think I can understand your motives.

April: You, for lack of a better term, complete me. She is the yin to my yang, the coke to my pepsi, the chocolate to my vanilla. In 10 years, I feel I have only learned a fraction of all there is to her, and I cant wait to find out more. She is the firey one, an outspoken introvert, a nervous sarcastic, a realist. She is the emotion to my logic, she is the music to my science. She is everything that I have not yet discovered about myself. She forgives as quickly as she angers. She will be a perfect mom. She is sensitive, and protective. She is emotional, and sometimes irrational. She admits imperfections, and asks for acceptance. She probably has the most to say, but feels getting it out right is the hardest thing of all. I could not imagine being with anyone else.

Amadon: At one time, I had understood you more than anyone. That is why this past year has hurt so bad. You are troubled...and it must be tearing you apart inside. I know how deep you run, and how acutely you feel things. Why must you numb yourself? Why have you shut us out? Why have you shut me out? This fiasco that has existed over the past month will go away...but it is not ending well. You asked in your blog why your friends did not support you. We admitted it...and I have tried so hard over this past month to make things right. How have I been rewarded? Ive been promised and left hanging, Ive been put off, messages ignored. I cant do it anymore. I sat down the other day and thought about what the last time you actually called me was, when you werent calling asking for help with something. You know what is sad? I cant remember. I honestly cant. I am beyond mad at the situation, beyond mad at you, beyond mad at Josie, and beyond mad how everyone...myself included handled everything. I am hurt. And this one goes deep. I feel like you have lied to me, I feel like you have ignored my attempts to fix this, I feel like you have made promises that you intended not to keep. Someone has lied to me... and it kills me to think that. Do you know how many times THIS MONTH you said you were "coming right over" and never showed up. 4. 4! One of those times I had asked both you and Josie seperately whether you could hang out. Both conversations gave me an "We had nothing planned, it should be ok", then suddenly it was "Oh, I promised to go grochery shopping, and I cant come over after that". Then I find out you didnt go. It is one excuse after another. Either she is lying to me that it is ok that you come and see us, or you are lying to me that you even want to. You have changed considerably, and often times beyond my comprehension. You were like a brother to me. Now I hear news of you second hand, and from what I hear it scares the hell out of me. What do you think about at night when you sit alone in the dark. What feelings crawl back into you that are so bad that you have to push them out, or numb them, or retreat into a fantasy world. What keeps drawing me to to...and what keeps me from being like everyone else and just giving up on you. It eats at me, and it feels like something is missing from what I want. I am hanging onto one last shred of the past.... but it is slipping, and has slipped more this month than ever. I dont understand you anymore....

Myself: April has pinned me exactly. I always am looking for something. I have a good life, a good job, and should be comfortable. I am happy, yet misplaced at the same time. The worst of it is that I honestly dont know what I am looking for, or why I cant stop when I know that I am happy. I often feel like the quiet one, and I just dont know what to say half of the time. I am a protector, and am prone to wishing things were "like they were". I have changed, but am the hardest to accept it. I think I have developed a quiet arrogance about me, and I dont like it. I dont feel like I deserve half of what I have. I am however patient, and I dont anger easily, unless it is anger at myself. I sometimes lie to friends and family alike, even if there is no reason to. I try to understand everything, which is both a blessing and a curse. The thought of eventual fatherhood scares the death out of me, but at the same time is the one thing I desperately want to be good at. I miss my camaro, lakewood, and leaving mcdonalds bags on Amadons garbage can. I miss my parents, and regret most that I cannot relate to them or have patience with them, for all they have given me. Even with all the bad stuff that I have gone through with them, now they would do anything for me. I am tense, wound up, and tired. I feel older than I am, with small sparks of youthfull carelessness that hit me from time to time. I love those times. I am a sucker for kittens. I love my wife more than anything in the whole world.

Resurrection of a lost blog 

I have returned.

Well...im back online, in a new location. Stay tuned for more.